Why your relationship with God looks different than your spouse’s

Your relationship with God will look different than your spouse’s.

Based on your own individual life experiences, upbringing, and beliefs, your spouse and you will probably have different walks with God.

  • How you relate to, and experience God’s presence, will look different than anyone else in this world – even your spouse.  Because you are unique.
  • God is multi-faceted, which means He is able to connect with people in unique and very different ways.
  • Your spiritual gifts may be different than your spouse’s, so where and how God uses you will probably be different than his/hers.
  • You are physically and mentally different than your spouse.  Celebrate the differences, you are a great team as a married couple!

God’s Truth about our differences:

Romans 12 starting in verse 6:

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

1 Corinthians 12:4

“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.”


Your relationship with God is unique, and it will look different than your spouse’s.  And that’s totally OK!

If you are constantly worried or concerned about your spouses’ relationship with God, we encourage you to pray for him/her, leave it all in God’s hands (1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”), and then shift your focus and energy from their relationship with the Lord, to your relationship with the Lord.

****Your relationship with God, your belief in Jesus Christ, and your dependence on the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort you is the most important thing in your life.****

Everything else is peripheral.

Why is it the most important thing?

God created you ON PURPOSE, with gifts and talents to be cultivated in order to do the work He has designed JUST for you to do.  Believe that as you define and cultivate your spiritual gifts, God will provide opportunities to use them.

When you know you are using your God-given gifts in a way that serves others, there is truly NOTHING LIKE IT ON THIS EARTH.

It is KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE…it gives you purpose.  It is not only a feeling, but a KNOWING.

So read through Roman’s 12 starting in verse 6 again, what do you believe are your spiritual gifts?

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

How can you use your gifts to serve God and others?

God has great plans for you, and that plan includes using your unique gifts.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We encourage you to spend time developing your relationship with God, and release your spouse of any expectations that they should be at a certain level of faith…or that their faith walk should look any certain way.

Watch our latest LIVE show where we explain this in more detail and share our story:

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Action items to help you move forward:


  1. What do you believe are your spiritual gifts?
  2. When and how do you feel closest to God?
  3. Get to know God even more, by reading the New Testament.
  4. Pray for your spouse, support your spouse, and trust that God will take care of everything in your marriage.  If this is a challenge, take 1 Peter 5:7 to heart: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
  5. Ask God to fill your life with His presence, and look for that in your days this week. Seek Him, and He will meet you wherever you are.  Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

10 Steps to Conflict Resolution: fight in such a way to strengthen your marriage!

Every couple experiences disagreements; it’s how the disagreements are handled that determines the quality and happiness of your relationship.

Watch as marriage mentors Andy and Katy Gillis share the 10 Steps to Conflict Resolution that anyone can use as a model to fight in such a way that it STRENGTHENS the relationship, instead of weakening it:

Get the accompanying Couple Worksheet “10 Steps to Conflict Resolution” – yet another great tool to strengthen your relationship!

The 10 Steps to Conflict Resolution:

1. Set a time and place for discussion.
Time to focus on one another, and the issue at hand, without interruption.

2. Define the problem.
Be as open, honest, and specific as possible.
Don’t bring any hurts, scars, or emotional baggage into the conversation.

3. List the ways you each contribute to the problem.
Keep short accounts, no finger-pointing. Give grace.

4. List past attempts to resolve the issue that were not successful.
Don’t use finger-pointing phrases such as “you always” and “you never.”

5. Brainstorm.
What are some new solutions to try?

6. Discuss and evaluate the possible solutions.
Remember that the goal is to resolve the problem so you both win.

7. Agree on one solution to try.
Be as specific as possible.

8. Agree how you will each work toward the solution.
Stay focused on the issue; don’t go off on tangents.

9. Set up another meeting to review and discuss the progress.
Ask: What worked? What didn’t work? What needs to be changed?

10. Praise your partner for their contribution to the progress.
Encourage, uplift, and support your spouse.

We hope you find these ideas helpful as you strengthen your relationship with your partner!

Want more tools to enhance your marriage?  Join our email list to receive all of our new couple worksheets by clicking here.

*Andy and Katy Gillis are the hosts of the Real Marriage LIVE show Sundays at 9 pm, EST.  Visit their Facebook page to tune in and gain fresh strategies to make your relationship even better!

Know a couple who’d like to see this?  Share it!

Conflict Resolution: learn how you and your spouse tend to deal with conflict.

Every couple experiences conflict, and – let’s face it – every couple has problems!

The question is: How do you tend to view, treat, and communicate with your spouse when you’re tackling tough problems?

And, how does your spouse tend to deal?

Knowing the answers to these questions will help you work as a team when tackling issues, instead of occasional enemies!

Watch as Andy and Katy Gillis take you through an exercise that will help you identify how each of you handles conflict so you can better work together and you both can win:

Of course!) we’ve got an amazing couple worksheet for you, that you can download here: Conflict Resolution Worksheet

We’ve found that every couple has a unique dynamic, and no one is “naturally good” at resolving conflict, because conflict resolution is a skill.

Thankfully, it’s a skill we can all learn and get even better at 🙂

Resolving conflict leads to growth, positive change, and even deeper intimacy in your relationship…and so we’re talking about it on the show this week!

Visit our Facebook Page this Sunday night @9 PM EST for the LIVE Real Marriage show.

Be sure to subscribe to our email list to receive all of our new couple worksheets to add to your marriage toolkit.

Know a couple who’d love to see this?  Share it!

I feel like I’m the only one trying to make our marriage work

“I feel like I’m the only one trying to make our marriage work.”

This is a comment we receive quite often, and the solution is not “one size fits all,” because each marriage is the unique partnership between two people. It’s tough when you feel like your spouse is not “pulling their weight” or even willing to work on your marriage at all.

However, we’ve found that even when there are great challenges in the relationship, the other person usually DOES want to make things better, regardless of whether they say so or act like it.

Most of the time they don’t know how to move forward, or may not feel comfortable talking about the subject with their partner because of the tension it brings (why start a conversation when you think it might end badly?)

No matter how good we are, we can always get better.

How you approach your partner, how you treat them, and the expectations you hold them to all play a part in how they will respond to your request to “work on the marriage” along with you.

Tune into the Real Marriage show this Sunday at 9 pm EST for “Marriage Expectations”

Learn how to become aware, and then release one another, of any unmet expectations that may be keeping you from growing together.

Know a couple who needs to see this? Share it.

“Unmet expectations” can be a huge barrier to intimacy in your marriage.