I feel like I’m the only one trying to make our marriage work

“I feel like I’m the only one trying to make our marriage work.”

This is a comment we receive quite often, and the solution is not “one size fits all,” because each marriage is the unique partnership between two people. It’s tough when you feel like your spouse is not “pulling their weight” or even willing to work on your marriage at all.

However, we’ve found that even when there are great challenges in the relationship, the other person usually DOES want to make things better, regardless of whether they say so or act like it.

Most of the time they don’t know how to move forward, or may not feel comfortable talking about the subject with their partner because of the tension it brings (why start a conversation when you think it might end badly?)

No matter how good we are, we can always get better.

How you approach your partner, how you treat them, and the expectations you hold them to all play a part in how they will respond to your request to “work on the marriage” along with you.

Tune into the Real Marriage show this Sunday at 9 pm EST for “Marriage Expectations”

Learn how to become aware, and then release one another, of any unmet expectations that may be keeping you from growing together.

Know a couple who needs to see this? Share it.

“Unmet expectations” can be a huge barrier to intimacy in your marriage.


The “Sunday Night Meeting.”

The #1 Killer of marriage is poor communication.

Good communication is not something we’re born with, but a skill that can be learned and developed over time, and communicating better in your marriage will help you grow closer as a couple.

Our favorite marriage communication tool: the Sunday Night Meeting!

“The Sunday Night Meeting” is where you set aside time each week to reconnect as a couple.  It inspires communication, support, connection, and all of that will deepen intimacy…which is always a good thing!

This video clip (from our live Real Marriage show) explains how to have a Sunday Night Meeting with your spouse:

PS – as shown in the video, we created a handy “Sunday Night Meeting” Agenda that we send every one of our email subscribers, and would love to send to you to use as a guide! Click here to join the Real Marriage email list and you’ll receive the Sunday Night Meeting Agenda in your inbox!

The Story behind the Sunday Night Meeting:

A few years into our marriage, Andy and I (Katy) hired a business coach to help us with one of our businesses.  She encouraged us to meet once a week with our team to talk about what’s going on in the business, talk about the week, and outsource and collaborate on various projects to work as a more effective team.  It was sure to bring about serious growth and increase productivity (what a great idea!).

That night, while lying in bed about to drift into dreamland, I had an aha-moment inspired by that great business advice:

“Andy!” I said as I nudged his arm with my elbow, “Have you noticed that we’ve been together for 4 years now, and we argue about the same things we argued about from the beginning?” without hesitation he answered “Yes, I’ve been thinking the same thing! We have been investing so much into growing our careers and business, but we haven’t grown our marriage much at all.”  Ouch!

Life as a young couple was a bit hectic and fast-paced, so one of the things we decided to begin doing was to meet once a week to reconnect as a couple. 

We call it “The Sunday Night Meeting,” and we’ve been doing it ever since.

Not a date – although those are fun, too – but a actual meeting.

Marriage is a partnership…a husband and wife, a team.  Just like great teams meet regularly, so could we if we wished to build a great marriage!

So a “Sunday Night Meeting” was added to our schedule, and the appointment kept.

The goal of our Sunday Night Meeting:

For a couple to communicate on two key areas:

  1. What is going on in our life this week?
  2. How is our marriage?

The Benefits?

We felt the love after our very first meeting, and have been doing them ever since!

I (Katy) felt more connected to Andy as I shared my schedule with him and he offered to help me with some of the items on it (for example, on the day of my doctor’s visit, he cooked dinner.)  And I felt like I could support him better (for example, praying for him if he had a big meeting at work.)

Andy feels the same benefits, and ads: “Knowing what’s going on each week has let me see more opportunities to grow our marriage, and I feel more connected to Katy.”

I love it when Andy asks “What would you like me to do to better our marriage this week?” What a gift to have that question asked, and be able to answer it!

Our marriage has grown tremendously over the years of hosting our Sunday Night Meetings, and now in our premarital and marriage ministry work at Real Marriage we encourage every one of our couples to use or create a similar “Marriage Check-In” like the Sunday Night Meeting that will help them communicate and work even better as a team.

We would love to know if you meet with your spouse, and what benefits you’ve received through doing so.  Join the conversation on our Facebook Page or post a quick comment below.


What is Real Marriage All About?

Jen writes: “Hey Katy. I saw you are doing some marriage thing on Facebook. What’s that all about?”

Jen, thank you for your message – I’m so glad you asked!

My husband, Andy Gillis, and I are absolutely passionate about marriage – and not just our own 😉. Truth is, we’ve dedicated the last 6 years to helping couples build healthy marriages – by facilitating premarital and marriage mentoring programs and leading married community groups at North Point Ministries.

It’s been such an honor to walk with our couples, watching them grow as individuals AND grow together as a solid and happily married team.

When we moved to Florida a few months ago, we had to leave our church and the marriage ministry work behind. But we knew we wanted to continue that work, and through some brainstorming we came up with the idea to host a weekly live show, using the Facebook Live platform available on Facebook Pages.

This opportunity is very exciting for us, because we are now able to connect with, inspire, encourage, and support couples, anywhere they are in the world!

Previously, when we’d share about our marriage programs, we would receive comments like: “Wow! I wish you two lived in my city so my husband/wife and I could go through your program!” or “We’d love to have this available at our church!” Location was a huge barrier.

Excitedly – with the launch of Real Marriage, we have created a way to connect with and serve people all over the world, and THAT is downright awesome!

On our Real Marriage Facebook Live show (Sundays @ 9:00 EST), Andy and I will share the very same ideas and strategies we’ve taken our couples through that has made a significant impact on their lives.

We’ve learned that great marriages don’t just happen; it takes a willingness to show up, be real, know, and be known by each other…and it’s extremely helpful to have a road map to follow and another couple to help show the way. That’s what we’ll be doing on the Real Marriage show.

We’ll discuss key topics such as Communication, Stress, Finances, Spiritual Beliefs, Intimacy, Family, Relationship Roles, Personal Styles and Habits, Sex, Conflict Resolution, Personal Goals, and more. We talk real-life application that anyone can use to create an even healthier relationship with their partner. Investing a small amount of time every week to grow one’s most important relationship is such a gift, and we’re hoping to facilitating great conversations and inspire positive outcomes for everyone who attends our show!

Real Marriage is for dating, engaged, and married couples – or individuals at any stage, really – who wish to build their relationship skills and gather new ideas and strategies to build a healthier bond with their mate (or future mate!).

We’re delighted to host our Real Marriage LIVE show on Sundays at 9pm EST on our Real Marriage Facebook Page!

Thank you for your question and for giving me the opportunity to share the work that we get to do! I hope to see you checking in on the show